you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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