shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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