mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
