She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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