Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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