i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
