so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Say something about gay babies.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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