Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
