If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
