genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize