just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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