Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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