I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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