went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
