Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think i got beer on your cat.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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