Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
