You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
