why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
