i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
