man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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