I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
