I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
