i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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