Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Four minutes until I can fart!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
