Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize