At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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