Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
