I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
These tits shall not be calmed
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
