The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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