im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
