I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
