This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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