I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize