Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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