Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
