and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize