This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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