i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sext me about skeletons
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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