Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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