We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize