3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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