alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
