its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
