My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
