Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
