dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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