You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
