elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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