Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
