Dual....:-)
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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