I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
