Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
