My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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