If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
