His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
