Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize