Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
