Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize