The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
