look no pants
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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