I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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