I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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