I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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