Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
