We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
