Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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