We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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