masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
