Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
