Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
