I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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