is your mom at the bar?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
